Big Reader by Susan Olding

Author:Susan Olding [Olding, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Freehand Books
Published: 2021-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

Metro Stream

EVENTUALLY, my depression lifted, as most depressions do — though I was so young that I hadn’t known that it would. By June, with its lingering days, I had started to feel more like myself. So, when Teddy asked me if I’d join him at his brother’s wedding later that summer, I was glad to agree. The reception took place on a farm, but not a working farm — somewhere out near Guelph or Cambridge. It seemed like a pretend wedding to me, with a feast laid out in the fieldstone house, and the bride’s timed arrival in a horse-drawn buggy festooned with costly flowers.

Teddy and I drove there in a rented car. I had dressed with advice from Vittorio, steeled to stage a performance. Teddy wasn’t “out” with his Polish Catholic family. They didn’t know, or they hadn’t let on that they knew, and he wasn’t ready to tell them, especially not on the day that his brother was marrying into some WASP dynasty. My job was to act as his girlfriend for the occasion, to prove to them all that he was normal, with the hope of forestalling any doubts and persuading them to let him be.

Judging from the reactions of most of his relatives, our pantomime worked. His father took one look at me and enfolded me in a huge embrace. His brother and the new wife smiled and nodded. How did we meet, his aunts wanted to know? When had we got together? When would we be tying the knot ourselves? Emerging from the bathroom, I bumped into his favourite female cousin. “I’m so glad,” she gushed. He’d brought a few girls home when he was in high school, she recalled, but they were never right for him. I, on the other hand, was perfect. How she looked forward to becoming my friend.

The only person who did not seem convinced by my performance was Teddy’s mother, who stood apart from the cooing aunts and cousins. When he introduced me to her, and I saw the expression in her eyes, I hurt for both of them so much I had to wince. I couldn’t imagine what to do except lay it on thicker, although now the effort made me feel like a fool as well as a liar. “Teddy,” I whispered. “Come.” I took his hand and pulled him away to dance.

I’d never seen him unhappier than on our long drive home from the country. He looked broken, exhausted, haunted, and he was so agitated that he could barely control the wheel. I tried to distract him with gossip. He tried to distract himself with music. But nothing worked. Finally, he switched off the radio and turned to me. “If things were different, I would want to be with you,” he said. In his voice, I heard such a noxious blend of sadness, confusion, and resentment.

I don’t know where he planned to go that night after he dropped me on Baldwin, but I’ve always imagined that he kept going south, down to Richmond or maybe to the Barracks, on Widmer Street.

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